


He Wants Me (To Be Loved)

by BACHIBAE



Category: Blue Lock (Manga)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Childhood Friends, College, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Out of Character, Pining, Unrequited Love, nagi centered, nagi machine broke, the only thing ooc is that reo is happy...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27114689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BACHIBAE/pseuds/BACHIBAE
Summary: Nagi is hopelessly in love with his best friend, Reo.And next on obvious news, the ocean is blue-
Relationships: Mikage Reo/Nagi Seishirou (Unrequited), Mikage Reo/Shidou Ryuusei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	He Wants Me (To Be Loved)

**Author's Note:**

> [based on this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMqAk3RVH3M) yes its Another song inspired fic i'm fried for ideas bye

Nagi Seishirou loved Mikage Reo.

  
Of course, the feeling was mutual. At least, in Reo's eyes they were.

  
They had been friends for a while- maybe 8 years if Nagi remembered right- and didn't plan on changing that _anytime_ soon. That much had been made clear back in 7th grade when Reo said 'I love you' for the first time.

  
_"You're my best friend, Nagi. Don't take this the wrong way, but I love you a lot."_

  
At the time, Nagi was so blind sighted by those five words, that he didn't even care if he basically got rejected before he could even confess. It was _something,_ and he would take what he could get, even if it meant only ever being a best friend. 

  
_"Yeah, me too."_

  
He couldn't bring himself to say it back, not without putting his true feelings behind those words. All he would ever be was Reo's best friend, and that meant being there for him, it was all Nagi could do. Being there for him proved to be _really_ fucking difficult though, especially when he would talk about the boys he was interested in, and, often times, kiss and move on from.

  
Nagi was never one of those, although that wasn't a surprise.

  
  
  
"What do you think of Shidou Ryuusei?" Reo asked while they were lazing around his huge bedroom, doing nothing in particular. The name rang a faint bell, though not a very good one. From what Nagi heard, Shidou was a pretty bad student, but only in terms of morality and following rules. (His grades were _really_ good, apparently.)

  
"I don't know him, so he doesn't matter to me, why?" It did matter, and he knew exactly why Reo was asking.

  
He sprang up with a wide grin, proud and bright as it was, and made his way to where Nagi was laying down. "Cuz I have a date with him in a couple days! I just trust your opinion, that's all."

  
_It'd be so easy to pull him down by his tie, like a flat Spider-Man kiss,_ Nagi thought vaguely to himself. "Good luck then, you know the rep that guy's got though," he added, a little dejected when Reo sat down next to him. It was selfish of him, wanting nothing more than to kiss his best friend and maybe hope to be kissed back. He knew that.

  
"Whatever, it makes things interesting, I think. Anyways, why don't you have a boyfriend yet? It's our last year of high school and you've been alone the whole time," Reo asked while laying down too. The answer was obvious, but it wasn't like Nagi could say it.

  
"Y'know, every time you ask me that is gonna be another month I stay single from now on, so it's gonna be your fault unless you drop it," he joked, feeling a small warmth in his chest when hearing Reo's laughter.

  
"C'mon, is it so bad that I want you to be loved and happy? Or is it a crime to be decent friend, unlike _someone!"_ he exclaimed, giving a light kick.

  
"Don't say sappy shit like that, I already _am_ happy," Leaving out 'loved' stung a bit, but it was a stinging he'd grown way too used to.

  
Reo turned to face him, smiling in a way that could almost be considered fondly. "Good, you deserve to be."

  
Yeah, Nagi could say with confidence that he was happy. Though he wasn't by any means satisfied, he still loved their friendship and wouldn't give it up for the world.

  
  
  
Sometimes, Nagi just wanted to give up on everything and tell Reo how he felt.

  
Sneaking onto the beach late at night together was _definitely_ one of those times.

  
It was obviously Reo's idea, he said something about wanting to do something 'crazy' before graduation, (his definition of crazy was really skewed because of growing up sheltered, so this was pretty wild to him) and woke Nagi up in his own room to get food and break into the nearest beach. Even for Reo, that was a little annoying, but it wasn't like he could say _no,_ not when the faint light from the stars just barely outshone him.

  
"Don't just stand there, c'mon, let's go in the water!" he yelled out, dragging Nagi by the wrists and pulling him in the cold ocean. _What would his hand feel like in mine?_ Already, his hands were warm wrapped around his wrists, contrasting the chill of the night. Though, they were gone as soon as they came, and the two were left standing in the water, staring up at the sky and enjoying every second of it.

  
"The stars're so pretty," Nagi noted, a little slurred from the sleepiness. A quiet hum of approval came from Reo as the waves crashed weakly on the sand. Comfortable silence fell and it felt like the world stopped, leaving nothing but time for them. Almost like the universe was giving Nagi Seishirou an opportunity, telling him to run with it.

  
It would be so easy to let it slip by, to never be anything more than a hopeless romantic in love with someone he could never have. He liked easy. So when Reo beamed at him, thanking him for being the best friend he could ever ask for, Nagi wouldn't say anything more, and nothing less.

  
  
  
Graduation was not something Nagi looked forward to, yet it came sooner than he could've expected.

  
Truth be told, he was scared. It was the first time since they'd met that he and Reo were going to be apart, both in different cities from the one they grew up in. Reo was going to Tokyo on a soccer scholarship he'd scored, and, even better, was going with his boyfriend of 1 year, Shidou Ryuusei. Nagi, on the other hand, was moving out to Kyoto in an attempt to find his passion, something he'd never known, a result of always taking the easy way out when there was a chance.

  
He didn't know how things would be between them, if they were going to keep touch or lose everything and become friendly strangers again. Usually he wouldn't worry about that sort of thing, but there was also the question about his feelings. Dumb, persistent, and old feelings. The bane of Nagi's existence.

  
Was it really okay to leave them hanging in the air, he wondered? Would it be inappropriate to confess, especially when Reo was with someone else? To say, _'I know we might not see each other again after this, but I've been in love with you for the past 6 years and I know you're dating someone, but I never really had any hope for you to feel the same to begin with, so I just wanted to get this off my chest before leaving.'_

  
As if.

  
The day he left for Kyoto was a quiet one, he didn't tell Reo or anyone what day he was leaving. Only his mother was there to send him with goodbyes, and when he arrived on campus, there were already texts flooding his phone from Reo, mostly complaints about not seeing him off, partly good wishes. He didn't reply to them.

  
  
  
It got even worse for Nagi, like he was experiencing withdrawals from an addiction, though from a person instead. Somehow, he found himself thinking _more_ about Reo than he did back at home, wondering if he was doing okay, how his soccer scholarship was going, _if he would be willing to give Nagi a chance even though he knew very well that would never happen-_

  
His feelings were overwhelming, so he decided to take them to the grave, never let another soul know about them, and try his best to avoid them, even if he got headaches from doing so. Although, it could barely even be considered 'avoiding his feelings', it was more like he tried willing them out of existence entirely. Because, if Reo wasn't around anymore, wasn't there to make him fall any deeper than he already had, then what was even the point of _having_ those feelings?

  
Maybe the point was hidden somewhere in college. Away from Reo. Buried in assignments, homesickness and new friend groups, waiting for Nagi to dig it up. It could've been there when his friends invited him out to hammock for the first time, or possibly at the bottom of the countless cups of coffee his roommate Isagi had made for him when he pulled all nighters trying to finish schoolwork.

  
Everything was hard, Nagi learned. He didn't get why pasta expanded, or why programming was so unnecessarily difficult, it was just one missing bracket _for fuck's sake,_ or why he cried for no reason at times, and even less so why Isagi would always be there for him when he did. Years spent of repressing his feelings apparently _wasn't_ good for him, and he had no idea what to do when they got too hard to deal with.

  
Sticking with Reo made everything easier, and maybe that's why he clung as long as he did, despite always wanting more.

  
As the year went on, they talked more and, surprisingly, nothing had changed with their relationship. Sometimes Reo would tell him about _his_ feelings, and how complicated everything was without Nagi there to be by his side. It was refreshing to know that they relied on each other, and that he wasn't the only one who was struggling without the other.

  
Sometimes, he would still get butterflies when talking to Reo, and even those aforementioned 'people withdrawals' when they didn't. He figured it would take a long time for them to go away, but at the very least, he was aware of them and could try stopping them in their tracks. Simply saying _'I'll talk to you later'_ and hanging up when the butterflies made him nearly nauseous, or finding comfort in friends and his roommate when the withdrawals took over.

  
Little by little, Nagi Seishirou was trying to understand the things he didn't figure out when growing up. It was never too late to start, he figured.

  
  
  
Once, they were on a call late at night, easily past midnight and they were both tired. Reo was talking about how much he missed high school and Nagi listened and kept quiet, busy writing a paper someone paid him to do.

  
"Hey, do you miss me?" Reo asked about thirty minutes into the call. The question caught him off guard, breaking the already weak focus he had on work.

  
"Course I do, why?" he replied quickly, hearing a little rustling on the other line.

  
"It's just... Sometimes it feels like you're doing so good on your own, making friends, having fun with your life and- it's a little selfish, I know- I miss you so much, but it seems like I just can't keep up with you and you're gonna forget about me. God, that sounds _really_ selfish, just forget I even said anything."

  
Part of Nagi wanted to reassure him like Reo had done so many times for him, play it safe. An impulse in the back of his mind paired with sleep deprivation had a different idea though.

  
"I- I can't forget about you, Reo." His voice shook a little from nervousness. "You were the first person I ever loved," They both went quiet at that, and Nagi swore his heart stopped beating from the anticipation.

  
Although, it was almost incredible how easy it was to let go of his past feelings. He thought for a second, _Why did I hold out for so long,_ but the voice on the other line quickly reminded him why.

  
"Do you mean that?" It was hard to tell whether or not Reo was upset, and the ambiguity was killing him.

  
"...Yeah, I do. Since middle school up until we graduated." More silence.

  
Then, quiet laughter came from his phone, unexpectedly. "Wow, what kind of best friend am I? I never even considered you might've loved _me."_

  
He buried his head in his arms, wanting to fall back into old habits of ignoring his problems and running away from them.

  
"Nagi, you're my best friend and I love you, but not like you need me to."

  
Maybe there was the tiniest bit of hope still there from high school, because Nagi felt his heart break in a way that he was annoyingly familiar with. It was probably the last time that would happen, too.

  
Pulling his head up, he answered, "I know you don't. It never mattered to me anyways, but we're still best friends either way, right?"

  
Amidst all his hopes pretty much getting crushed over the course of 10 minutes, Nagi still had it in him to smile, not even bittersweetly or in some twisted way, just unfiltered happiness making itself known.

  
"Of course we are, you can't get rid of me _that_ easily,"

  
The next hour was spent talking about anything they could think of, class, roommates, cooking struggles, (Nagi went on a pretty long rant about never knowing how much rice was enough and how he always ended up with leftovers) even plans for hanging out back home. It was nice, knowing that Reo didn't treat him any different after his confession, and that through and through, they were best friends.

  
He only hung up when Reo's faint sleep talking came from the phone, mumbling stupid things like 'poisonous giraffes', and Nagi wondered what kind of dream he was having that could have prompted such a dumb thing like that. Granted, it _was_ pretty late and he would give up anything to just take a nap, but $20 didn't come by easily and he had just a couple hundred words left.

  
"Pulling another all nighter?" Isagi asked through a yawn, coming in their shared dorm.

  
"Mhm, getting paid to write about the morality of eating mangoes." he answered, taking a little pride in the screwed up confusion on Isagi's face.

  
"Y'know what, I don't even wanna ask. But anyways, I figured you'd be awake, so I brought you something from work." He then put what looked to be a milkshake paired with a paper bag down on his desk. "Strawberry vanilla milkshake and a brownie made by yours truly. My boss hates when we steal supplies, so you better be grateful," Isagi threatened jokingly, getting ready to sleep.

  
"Thanks, but why? Can't you lose your job or something?" Nagi asked, taking a bite of the still warm brownie. It was _really_ good, and he made a quick mental note to stop by Isagi's job sometime.

  
"We've got, like, four employees, that man wouldn't fire me even if I committed a felony! And, you just seem so out of it, like _all_ the time. It's kinda worrying honestly, so consider this my way of trying to cheer you up." His voice grew quieter, almost shyer as he went on, but Nagi was too surprised to even notice.

  
Isagi went out of his way to try and help in his own special way, and it was almost as painfully sweet as the things he brought.

  
"Thanks, it means a lot." Nagi had more to say, but sleep deprivation wouldn't let him find the words.

  
"Mhm, don't mention it," Isagi said, getting in his bed. "G'night Nagi," His words slurred together, probably tired from working so late.

  
"Night, Isagi."

  
Instead of focusing on the paper, he thought about what Reo had said early in their 3rd year, and wondered if he would be happy with how Nagi was doing now.

  
_"-I want you to be loved and happy."_

  
The answer was something he was still trying to figure out.

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda hate this lawl um i didn't mean to get so carried away at the end but... yeah.. ANYWAYS i honestly just wanted to put Something out, it's been a couple months since i last posed and my current drafts aren't getting finished anytime soon, so um yeah take this attempt at curb stomping writers block that took me like 3 days to write
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/eucverse) and i hope u liked this fic inspired by one of my favorite bands and also the recent chapters bc reo is NOT happy enough and i'm Sick Of It


End file.
